Wake up nauseous in the night and find blood in your panties, just a little. Go back to sleep, dream about dirty babies. Pull on your favourite skirt and take a panadol, go about the day as though everything is normal. Think everything is normal. Spend a dollar on gum at the petrol station and chew.
Watch the dirty babies at the park and in the prams. Hitch up your favourite skirt and splash in a big puddle when you’re sure no one’s watching. Skip class to tell Emma all about Axel, and Jessica all about Emma, and Karen all about Jessica… and Axel all about you. Spend a dollar on gum at the petrol station and chew.
Find blood in your panties, a little more. Wipe it away and take a panadol. Tell your mum you’re staying at Emma’s, tell Axel you dreamed about him. Dream about dirty babies.
Wake up nauseous and take two panadol. Try to go about the day as normal. Hope everything is normal. Pull on your favourite shirt and leave the top button undone, just so. Skip class to babysit Karen’s dirty baby. Spend a dollar on gum at the petrol station and chew. Tell Karen all about Axel, find Jessica when class is out. Tell Jessica all about Karen and how big her breasts are now.
Do up your top button and go home to get a panadol. Find blood in your panties, more. Tell your mum you have your period and take the packet of panadol. Watch her carefully, with her cigarette and her magazine and her beady eyes. Don’t look her in those eyes. Take a few tampon packets too, so she doesn’t know you haven’t used any in two months. Kick the puddle when you’re sure Mrs Yeates is watching. Look away from the dirty babies at the park and in the prams.
Spend a dollar on gum at the petrol station and chew faster. Find Axel. Don’t look him in the eye. Tell him you dreamed about him. Dream about dirty babies and blood. Squeeze into your favourite jeans and go to class where there are no dirty babies, try to go about the day as normal. Don’t look the teachers in the eye when their voices trill with sarcasm and they snark how lovely it is to have you back.
Find blood in your panties, lots. Skip class to sit in the lavatory and rock yourself, and eat panadol, and flush the lavatory so you don’t have to see what’s in it, and flush it again, and catch your breath like a knife in your throat, and use the strongest language you know when Emma pounds on the door. Let her in. Shake, but don’t sob, and don’t look her in the eye. Let her sit with you, and rock you, and then let her find Jessica and let Jessica find Karen. Let Karen take you to her doctor.
Half listen to the doctor as the words roll out. Be dejected as he pokes you in your belly, resent him as he asks you gently to unzip your jeans. Want Axel. Feel sick as he inspects parts of you that you never wanted to show him. Do up your top button and go home.
Watch Karen’s dirty baby gurgle and her breasts grow. Jump in the puddle when you’re sure Mrs. Yeates is watching. Buy tampons. Spend a dollar on gum at the petrol station and chew. Find Axel. Don’t look him in the eye.
Wordcount: 587! OMG
Whoa - congrats on the word count! And this is seriously brilliant, I mean BRILLIANT. I like it's raw realness and frankness. You know what happened without spelling it out. I'm so proud of you hon!
ReplyDeleteI wrote a clever comment and then it didn't get posted. It mostly said something like: 'What she said', and 'I am awed'. Tried to talk about all the stuff you'd done here but realised there was little point 'spelling it out' :)
ReplyDeleteThanks so much for your encouragement :D I'm excited about this now... to begin with there's nothing then there's a sentence and then there's some person growing on the screen. (I forgot how that worked)
ReplyDelete>< still spending more time wriggling and chewing than writing ><
Wriggling and chewing are positive complements to writing :)
ReplyDeleteAnd it looks like Gallic gallimaufry is blowing all of our writing out of the water :P but this is good! We like reading the amazing stuff you come up with :) and I have missed your brain!
Hm...why does that not sound as complimentary as the feeling behind it is?
More *galumph-hugs*!
Haha!
ReplyDeleteI have missed your brain too! I think one day after I have moved and you are satisfied with your dissertation progress, I shall have to book you for a long phone call.
Oooh that sounds like just what we need :) Only 3 1/2 weeks to go, then we can talk as long as we like :P
ReplyDeletethis is brilliant GG... really good and clever and raw and... well, it's all been said, but I'm ditto'ing it all :)
ReplyDelete(if ditto'ing is a word...)
ReplyDeletedittoing is totally a word. Thanks.
ReplyDelete:D
ReplyDelete